"Why I will never go spelunking" or "Tired of all this Snakes on a Plane hype? Try Chicks in a Cave."

What made my week? Watching a commercial for The Descent. Why? I wrote this in September of 2005 for my old site after I saw it in London.

The Descent - **** It is such a shame that this movie will never make it to the US because you guys are definitely missing out. C and I, despite our irrational inability to stomach horror films, cracked and went to see it because our friend adamantly refused to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I know I scare easily so I don’t have the authority to accurately asses horror movies, but I've definitely seen my fair share of supposed scary movies that were so ridiculous they made me laugh (Thirteen Ghosts, Darkness Falls, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer to name a few). C and I figured, "It's a movie about a bunch of chicks in a cave. How bad can it be?" The answer: very fucking bad. I spilled half a tub of popcorn and a plate of nachos within the first half hour from violently jumping out of my seat. The last half hour, I was so exhausted from being scared that I was in physical pain. My chest started to hurt and all my muscles were sore from tensing. Even the guy we went with (who doesn't scare easily at all) said he was pretty impressed. I guess this is a pointless review to everyone back home because it's a European film, and it isn't mainstream at all, so it probably won't be released in the states. But if it's been a long time since you saw a good horror film (one that didn't involve ghost girls with long black hair, or their bleached-white American counterparts) you should definitely make an effort to catch this at the Angelika or on DVD. It's the perfect mix of gore/psychological/emotional/holy-crap-I-almost-shit-my-pants horror. Needless to say, C and I have been sleeping in the same bed since we saw it.

So, being the loser I am, I was absolutely thrilled when I found out that it’s being released here. I’m not big on plugging things, but I honestly think that everyone should watch this film. People who enjoy movies likes The Devil’s Rejects and Hostel for the mindless gore and shock-horror value will appreciate this film for the many scenes that almost made me throw up. People who are averse to horror films because of their lack of thought-provoking material will love the brilliant story line and character development. It comes out today, so go watch it immediately. Just do yourself a huge favor and do not read anything about it beforehand. If you know the full story line, it might appear hokey (that’s why the trailers are so vague), but if you go in blind, I assure you, you will not be disappointed.

-L