Friday, August 11, 2006

The Prime


“And I wonder, when I sing along with you: if anything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.”

What is/was the prime of your life? I had a dream last night in which I was telling a table of friends about the prime of my life, and the only thing I could talk about was college. College wasn’t great by any means, but it was pretty exciting. When my parents drove away that first day of college, I remember thinking to myself, “Holy shit. I can’t believe they just left me here by myself. Did that really just happen?” Then I went out and got really drunk.

The scary thing about the prime of your life is that you usually don’t know you’re there until you look back at the events of your life in retrospect. While I was in college, I thought life sucked. At the time, it seemed like life was full of a lot of doing nothing. All I did all day was sleep, play video games, get drunk and fucked my girlfriend. But now that I think about it, how fucking cool is that? What more can you possibly want? If any of you readers out there are in college, for the love of God, stay. Stay as long as you possibly can. When the dean tries to kick you out, kick and scream and cling on to that wiry 5 dollar bed frame as if it were the fountain of youth, because I tell you now, it is.

So what now? People fear the unknown, it’s an inevitable truth, but completely understandable. One of my greatest fears is the future. I keep imagining that my life will run it’s course like pretty much every other person who’s ever lived. Married to work and a wife, kids, a house, grandkids, cancer, then death. How scary is that? It’s terrifying to think that your future, in all probability, will run it’s course with complete and utter normalcy. Well then, just shoot me now and get it over with.

I think humans by nature have a hard time letting go of things because of this fear of the unknown. If in the moment, you’re happy and having a good time, you’ll stay. You’ll be flattered that life decided to throw you a bone and turn happiness into a reality, if only for a moment. And as that happiness comes to a close, you’ll feel that pang of hurt as you wonder if anything will ever be that good again. And who knows, maybe it will. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, but I wont hold my breath.


Anonymous carolita said...

When my little brother told me that high school was the best years of his life, I was gobsmacked. High school was the WORST years of my life. For him, it was great because he had no responsabilities, had free room and board, and had plenty of sex and drugs!

For me, it sucked because I was completely financially and legally dependent on the two freaks we called our parents, and had no choice but to continue to live that way until I had squeezed every last college dime out of them so that I could take my degree and run.

And therein lies the difference. He thinks everything is downhill from there, and I think everything is uphill from there. In fact, every year just seems to bring better things. So, I feel I can safely assume that my best years are yet to come. And I do assume that.

My only goal was to be free from my family, and be paid to draw and write, and never have to work in an office again. I pretty much have acheived this, with a few setbacks and regressions along the way. (It's a bit like playing tetris.) My goals were simple, unrealistic, but simple, and weren't complicated by the desires of getting filthy rich, finding everlasting love, or having children.

It's all about your point of view, I guess.

1:04 PM  
Blogger The Doorman said...

I don't think there's one specific prime. Unless you totally f--k up, it runs in cycles -- or at least mine has. You have a "prime" for whatever incarnation of your life you're in at that point.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The doorman has a good point. Everything does run in cycles. As I get older though, the "recession" seems to hold a bit longer than it did in the past. I used to have these stages of unbelievable fun that I just couldn't forget every 2 years or so. This type of time hasn't happened in 5 years now. bummer.

8:03 PM  

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