Mondayisms

1) Kevin Federline makes me feel warm and fuzzy in my secret places. Did everyone see his performance last night on the Teen Choice Awards? I sat through that two-hour brain fart just so I could see him, and let me tell you, it was completely worth it. Watching him is like watching Nascar bungee jumping into a trailer park and getting stung by a bee. Even the audience of coked-up pre-adolescents had difficulty cheering for the train wreck that was his performance.

2) I have a huge mosquito bite on my right bicep and it’s swollen up so big that it looks like I’ve been working out only one arm. Or bowling a lot.

3) I once dated a professional bowler.

4) Tom Glavine might need season-ending surgery on his pitching arm. That puts the Mets’ postseason in jeopardy. That makes me sad.

5) I know someone who works in publishing who adamantly refuses to tell anyone about job opportunities at his company because he doesn’t want other people getting a piece of what he does. I don’t know how to feel about this.

6) I’m eating lobster today. Cooking lobster makes me sad. That poor fucker just sitting there thinking, “Wow, it’s hot in here…” Eating it, however, makes me pretty happy.

7) This season of Entourage has been pretty weak. Too much career drama, not enough sleeping around with nasty hoes. And does anyone else think it's unfair that the highlight of Turtle's season has been getting sneakers?

-L