Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Anyone who knows me, knows that it takes a lot to offend me. I throw shit at people left and right, so the least I can do is be a good sport about it when they throw it back. I also have a potty-mouth like you've never seen, so I don't mind when people make inappropriate comments in my presence.

No problem.

However, I was genuinely offended when I received the following message in my MySpace inbox a week ago (yes, I have a MySpace profile, but I assure you I do not use it to solicit casual encounters with strange men):

Subj: awww...
Msg: let me grab 'em titties... and then rub my 8 incher all over them

Absolutely appalled.

Mouth-open-in-disbelief-disgusted-horrified appalled.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard worse from men in the past, but the thing that really got me about this message was the source.

Name: Chen-Yi
Age: 29
Location: Edison, New Jersey
General Interests: Karaoke (oh man, I can’t…), Clubs (of course. Where else would he meet chicks to rub his “8-incher” all over), CounterStrike (this just keeps getting better), Chinese Chess (I actually like Chinese Chess too! We should get married!)
Favorite Music: Canto Pop (wtf is this?), Korean Pop (this guy’s unintentional comedy stock is skyrocketing), Gangsta Rap (jyeah homey!)
Favorite Movies: Rocky I-IV (yeah, seriously Rocky V sucked), Matrix I, Meet the Parents
Favorite Books: Robert Jordan (I had to Google this guy. Apparently he writes fantasy. Much like the world our subject lives in), Technology or Educational books (Educational is a bit broad, don’t you think? He might count The Art of Self-Pleasure as “educational.” Heck, I sure did!)
Heroes: The good man in my father (you think his pops has an 8-incher too?) and the good woman in my mother (I hope she lets him grab her titties). The Warrior God that most Chinese pray to, Kwan Gong. And any self-made millionaires.
Marital Status: Single (no surprise here)
Orientation: Straight
Body Type: 5’6” / Some Extra Baggage (okay, at this point, a little pee came out from laughing so hard. Thank God little man’s got an 8-inch cock to make up for it!)
Occupation: Multimedia Designer & Coordinator (whatever that means)
Income: $45,000-$60,000 (cha-CHING!)

There are a few comic gems in his “About Me” and “Who I’d Like to Meet” sections as well, but I’m going to leave those out lest this post get too long. However, you can check out the “Playboy Pimp-Daddy, Panty-Dropper Extraordinaire” yourself here. He’s got an absolutely faaaaaabulous mugshot-esque photo as well.




Anonymous Lolo said...

Holy FUCKsticks, I made the horrible mistake of clicking one of his friends' pictures and almost had a heart attack from the noise that blasted out of the speakers. The scare almost canceled out the tacky bumps I got while looking at his picture.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Pat said...

Agreed, fuck white people.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Gamer C. said...

"Subj: awww...
Msg: let me grab 'em titties... and then rub my 8 incher all over them"

I like how the subject starts off so nice then becomes very sexual when you read the message. I see how you were offended, I'd be shocked too if I recieved a message like that (Especially from another guy!!) Personally though, I think its funny as hell!! To think someone would send people emails like that.

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An 8 incher? From an Asian? C'mon now. I have a serious question though. I've noticed Asian women born here have bigger breasts, so do Asian guys born here have bigger shweens?

7:57 PM  
Blogger CEO of the World said...

I can't speak with any authority on the matter seeing as I don't really date Asian guys. Anything's possible, I guess. Maybe God felt bad for the short, fat fucker and gave him a big cock.

B's probably a better person to ask. Although I'd be a bit frightened if he's seen many other than his own.


9:29 AM  

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