Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Kill Me Now: Why Work Sucks

- B

I love it when people leave a voice message of themselves fumbling to hang up the phone.

After living in the heart of the big apple for 3 years (Manhattan) I decided to move back in with my parents at the beginning of this month/year in hopes of saving enough money by the end of the year to feasibly buy/mortgage an apartment. I guess it’s the better long term plan, but as far as the short term goes, it’s absolutely torture.

I am a tissue. The entire train is silent except for the person who stands right next to me sneezing and coughing on me. It seems like a daily occurrence. I’m consistently next to the sick person on the crowded train every day, and to make matters worse, they always stand in a position so that they’re facing me and coughing straight onto me. As I walk to transfer onto my next train, I brush away the remnants of germs still clinging to my jacket. The 4/5 train comes often, but is always brimming with suits who glare defensively at the newcomers to their daily grind transport machine. I ram into the crowd of suits, and somehow manage to find a space at the edge of the entrance just in time for the doors to shut, millimeters from my nose. The silent crowd searches for things to stare at in an attempt to avoid the awkwardness of having another person’s face inches away from theirs. And then the person next to me breaks the silence by sneezing and coughing on me for the remainder of the ride.

Some guys at work are assholes in the bathroom. In the morning and after lunch are when the bathrooms usually have limited vacancy. It’s not a problem because there are separators between the stalls, but every once in a while, some guy decides to be the asshole who stands far enough away from the stall to bear all. Some guys piss with their hands on their hips, their dicks hanging out and standing 2 feet away. They look down at their dicks with a stern look as if commanding it to urinate. I absolutely do NOT want to see a dick, first thing in the morning. In fact, I don’t want to see a dick ever unless it’s my own, or it’s donking Jenna Jameson. These guys should die. No seriously, they should be mauled by wildlife.

I need for this week to end right now…

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can stop laughing about your 1 line,
"I absolutely do NOT want to see a dick, first thing in the morning"

7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you really seen men piss with their hands on their hips? My cock goes to the left and I would make a big fucking mess if I tried to do that. God bless the Irish. Update your blog you pig fucker.

1:33 AM  

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