Monday, January 29, 2007

Boobs!

What does a woman hope to accomplish by emailing a man an anonymous photo of her boobs?

This guy talks about such emails very often, and I was always under the impression that he meant it as a joke. Not until Rob actually told me a while ago that women, in fact, do send internet "quasi-celebrity"-types such as himself and Jason Mulgrew digital images of their naked bodies (sans faces, of course), did I realize that people actually do this. But you can’t blame me for assuming there wasn’t any merit to Jason's claims because, quite simply, what’s the point?

First off (and no offense to any big-time bloggers out there), bloggers, even successful ones, are not particularly special. Sure, they’re funny, they provide entertainment, and, for some, their internet fame has resulted in relative success—all very laudable accomplishments. But no one has achieved the level of celebrity that would give many women the secret satisfaction of knowing that he has seen her in various forms of undress that they might get from sending Johnny Depp pictures. Secondly, these photos are usually anonymous. Clearly they don’t want the guy to know who they are, so how is he going to reciprocate (take that to mean whatever you want it to)? Lastly, men don’t seem to do this. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but in the unlikely case that this site becomes suddenly popular, I’m not expecting men to feel compelled to email me with photos of their erect penises.

So why does this happen? After much thought, these are the conclusions I have drawn:

1) Women like attention—they crave it, they need it. Even if a woman achieves nothing more than a reply of, “Nice” (which is really the least a guy can do after some girl who was molested as a child sends him a shot of her mammaries), she feels content knowing that someone thinks her tits are “Nice,” and is possibly using them as inspiration for masturbatory fantasies.
2) Women find the romantic notion if being someone’s muse very gratifying. See above. They all want to be like Kate Winslet lying on a sofa naked with a giant diamond around her neck while a roguish chap without a nickel to his name draws her and then screws her in the back of someone else’s car like the classy broad she is.
3) Women are self-conscious about their bodies, so when one thing is working for them, they like to show it off to take attention away from what is not. Hence the cut out/blurred faces.
4) Men are very receptive to visual stimuli. While a man often needs to discuss things that a woman is interested in at length in order to engage her, a simple nip-slip in his email inbox will fascinate a man for an extended period of time (these times vary depending on how much actual boobage he gets to see and how often he sees it). Therefore, a woman who feels that a blogger has done her a great service by occupying a large portion of her billable hours with his witticisms feels that a picture of herself with a finger up her ass serves as sufficient reward. On the other hand, a man would be better served…not…sending a girl a picture of himself with his finger up his ass.
5) Women secretly want to be sluts. Society doesn’t really like sluts, so they either have to remain anonymous about it or subject themselves to ostracism and judgement from their peers. Or they could embrace it and become Jenna Jameson.

-L

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

do you and the other bloggers you mention (i read all three actually - yours included) know each other in "real life"?

10:04 PM  
Anonymous -L said...

I don't know JM.

10:39 AM  

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