Friday, January 26, 2007


I’m well-aware of my flaws. I’m loud, offensive, overzealous, inconsiderate, lazy, horrible at keeping in touch. I drink too much, I’m terrible at being sympathetic. I argue too much, I’m judgmental. But something I have always prided myself in is that I am loyal. Through all my faults, I manage to be dependable. It’s hard for me to turn someone away when they’re in need. I’m honest, often brutally so. I’m straightforward, upfront. I do everything in my power to avoid situations that might put a friendship into potential jeopardy. And when I am inevitably thrust into a bad situation, I weigh what I want against what a friend wants and make sure that both of our best interests are in mind.

So it’s natural that I hope, or even expect depending on how close we are, the same from people. Often, just because a friend is a good or incredibly close friend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are loyal. I can honestly look at my friends and say that out of all of them, there is only one whom I consider truly loyal. We aren’t the closest of friends, our personalities even clash to the point that we bump heads a lot, but she is truly loyal. I know without a doubt in my mind that she would never hit on a guy that I’m even remotely interested in, if I were stranded at 4 AM in the middle of nowhere, she would come get me, she would never lie to me about any of her intentions nor try to cover something up for the sake of “diplomacy.” Whenever she opens her mouth, the concept of her deceiving me is safely tucked into the most remote corner of my mind.

And that’s all I really ask.

Even though my cynicism forces me to hope for the best and constantly expect the worst, I still get blindsided when the worst happens.



Blogger Sasha said...

This is funny, I had a very similar conversation with my boyfriend last night.

I am very honest. Honest to a fault. If you ask my opinion, I will tell you... Bluntly. I am the first one to attempt to stop situations that are going to hurt people and I am the first one to run to a friend's side when they are in need. So needless to say, loyality and honest are the two most important things to me. Both to yourself and your morals and to your friends.

Recently I had to have a surgery that had two possible outcomes; One very very bad and one very very good. I was lucky that it turned out good and I just needed some recovery time and help functioning for a couple weeks. It amazed me how many people didn't call to find out how I was. Didn't offer to help. Many of the same people I have recently spent lots of time helping. This realization happens often and very time it is just as disappointing.

Most people aren't honest and are too selfish to be loyal. It kills me to say that because I honestly don't understand it. I want all people to be good- damn it.

But as boyfriend says, everyone's definition of what it means to be a good person is different. :(

11:39 AM  

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