Martin Luther Kingdayisms

Publishing companies do not follow the standard business holiday schedule, so here I am...at work.

1) I went 3 for 4 with my NFL playoff picks this weekend because I did not see the Patriots beating the Chargers. As for next week, I'm really struggling. I'm rooting for the Bears for some reason, but the Saints have the whole heartwrenching Hurricane Katrina story behind them, so I'm torn. The Patriots seem like they'll win because Tom Brady is just ridick, but Peyton Manning still doesn't have a Superbowl ring, so I feel bad for him, so, again, I'm torn. By the way, I know absolutely nothing about football, can you tell?

2) Why won't baseball season start?

3) In a few days, I will be one of the few Mets fans who will: a) sit in the home/visitor dugouts at Shea, b) walk on the field, c) flip the fuck out. I guess that last one isn't so rare amongst Mets fans.

4) I've been sifting through job applications for a new intern at work, and I have a few tips for people who are applying for jobs:

1. If an ad asks for a cover letter, resume and writing sample, these are not just suggestions. Do include a cover letter, resume and writing sample.
2. Do not send a resume that is five pages long.
3. Do not send a resume that is five lines long.
4. Do proofread or else I will not contact you at my "earliest experience."
5. Do not use words like, "gotta" and "dunno."
6. Do not email me from hotsexymama@gmail.com.
7. If you are absolutely addicted to the thesaurus feature on Microsoft Word, make sure the word you're plugging in is grammatically correct. The phrase "dramatic and trickery ending" is not correct.
8. In line with number 7, try not to make it too obvious. If your cover letter is written at a remedial level, and the word "grandiose" suddenly sneaks in, it's pretty obvious you had no idea that word existed until just now.
9. Do not ask stupid questions in an attempt to find out what the company is. It's anonymous for a reason. I will not email you back unless you send me a cover letter, resume and writing sample.
10. Do not send me a writing sample about your balls.

5) I haven't shopped in ages, so when I saw that I had accumulated a decent-sized chunk of change in my bank account, I went absolutely insane and bought a bunch of useless crap. Eh, I'm not spending it on alcohol, so why the hell not?

6) I still haven't bought a laptop.

7) It has been 14 days since my last cigarette and alcoholic beverage and I still haven't killed anyone. I did eat a pot brownie last weekend but it didn't kick in until I got home, so I watched TV, giggled and passed the fuck out. Good times.

-L