Thursday, May 25, 2006

Where I'm At

I've been slacking off, I know. But a combination of work-related stress, insomnia, Dog being sick and/or losing his mind and the onset of a Quarter-Life Crisis has rendered me with a case of writer's block of Stonehenge proportions. The majority of these unfortunate circumstances are a direct result of my current employment situation, and although I have been venting it all to a poor, unsuspecting recipient for the past few days, afford me the liberty to tell alla yous where I'm at…yo.

I hate my job. A lot. I hate it so much that I can't sleep at night. I hate it so much that staring at the peons in the office all day, acting like conference production is a vital addition to our society, fooling themselves into thinking that this organization expands people's lives in any way, believing that their role as a cog in the wheel is pivotal to the well-oiled machine that is this company—banging out half-assed conferences and cheating people out of thousands of dollars to attend them. I hate that an obscene deadline is imposed on us to do something that can so easily be negated in an instant based on the whims of a third party, completely out of your control.

Yeah, I know I told you I would be speaking at your event last week and your deadline is tomorrow, but I changed my mind because I'm getting my nails done that day. Good luck to you!

I know you need that presentation material tomorrow, but the person who was supposed to speak got fired yesterday and we don't feel like finding a replacement for you. Have a great day!

I hate that the company put a new policy into effect yesterday.

From now on, producers are required to post their deadlines into an email and have their marketer post what day they actually completed the project. The email will then be sent to the entire office so we can all see how the team is doing as a whole. In other words, if you finish late, we will all see it, laugh at you and throw vegetables at you when you leave at the end of the day. This will improve morale within the organization and motivate you to work harder.

With love,

I hate that I like my boss, and it's going to suck when I have to tell her to take this job, and shove it up the Managing Director's ass, swivel it around, and shove it down his smug throat.

I know that writing about work is boring, but my abhorrance for the politics of corporate life has grown exponentially in the past few days. Reading Fight Club during my commute probably isn't helping that.

Alright, I know that stylistically and content-wise this post has been in line with the cheap copout pieces of shit I've been writing for the past few weeks, but once things settle down, I promise I'll write something of actual substance. Then I'll force Rob to link me again to rekindle the flames of readership.

Until then, suck it up beetches, or write better than me and put me to shame.


On a side note, a lot of people who started assuming that Stephen Sakai (aka Crazy Bouncer) is Japanese before any videos were released of him were rather surprised to see that he is in fact, black. Now I don't feel so stupid for asking, "Where? Where?!" when someone pointed Omar Minaya out to me.

Speaking of the Mets, David Wright has a blog. He titled it "Wright Now" as per a fan's suggestion, forsaking the more clever "Wrightings," but I'm pretty sure he was just too lazy to read that far down in his comments section. I, however, have no life and I did. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shoot myself in the foot.



Anonymous with sprinkles said...

I've been there before. I feel you. Corporate life is frustrating for people with creative minds.

8:42 AM  
Blogger threetoedsloth said...

For the past two years I've actually been in the exact same unhappy situation as you, complete with the conference planning and the nice boss whose heart I didn't want to shatter when quitting. And you know what I did this week? QUIT MY JOB (with two months' notice that is, to make things easier for the poor long-suffering boss). If there's something else you want to do with your life, better to do it now rather than later when you're too hardened and bitter to care anymore. It's very hard to live without the fulltime salary and health insurance, but there's always SOME way to pay the rent while still keeping your soul.........I hope....

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today I fused a bit of my own DNA to drive a luminescence gene culled from some krill...

I fucking love my job...


11:37 AM  

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