Billboard's Top Ten - Volume 3

I have insomnia. Fuck you all.

There are a few things that are wrong with the Best Friend. She doesn't drink alcohol. She likes to talk about her dreams at length. She's not very fond of dogs. She has appalling taste in music. But she's my friend and she gets free Mets tickets every now and then through work, so I put up with it.

Of these flaws, the one we are most at odds about is her shitty taste in music. I know this. She knows this. I tell her this at every given opportunity because (in case you haven't been paying attention) I'm a bit of a music Nazi. Naturally, she finds my "Billboard Top Ten" posts hilarious because she actually likes these songs.

Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy (Billboard Ranking - 1)

I almost thought that I wouldn't be able to write one today because all the songs on the top ten seemed like ballads or Kanye West songs (and even though he sucks, his lyrics aren't especially ridiculous). But then I saw this little ditty perched atop the list at number 1, and, even though I had never heard of this "Soulja Boy," the moniker gave me a feeling that his lyrics might be just as...clever--he did not disappoint.

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man dat hoe (Does this mean...knock her out?)
Then watch me crank dat robocop (Like, do the robot?)
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haterz man
When I do dat soulja boy
I lean to the left and crank dat dance
I'm jocking on yo bitch ass (I always thought "jock" meant to copy. Like "jocking someone's style.")
And if we get the fightin
Then I'm cocking on your bitch (I hope he cocks on my bitch too.)
You catch me at yo local party
Yes I crank it everyday
Haterz get mad cuz
I got me some bathin apes (They're probably mad because their's didn't bathe and they smell.)

I'm bouncin on my toe
Watch me super soak dat hoe
I'ma pass it to arab
Then he gon pass it to don loc (Why does the Arab have to pass the hoe to Don Loc? Is she not into Middle Eastern dudes?)

Discuss.

-L