Craziest Shit Ever*
There is nothing more irritating than someone telling you about one of their dreams. I think I heard this for the first time in a George Carlin stand-up, but I'm pretty sure I've heard it from several different sources at least fifteen times since then.
I agree. Very much so.
Lucky for me, of my five or so closest friends, three of them just love to regale me with longwinded, detail-ridden accounts of some mundane dream that they had the night/week/month before that was just "so funny!" or "really fuckin' weird!" or "what do you think this means?"
I don't fucking know. I don't fucking care.
Not one to be especially tactful, I have reminded them on numerous occasions as soon as the words, "Oh my God, I just remebered this dream I had..." have escaped their lips that there is, in fact, nothing more irritating than someone telling you about one of their dreams.
For some reason, this just makes them laugh and continue to recount the boring fucking thing to me without sparing me a single detail.
Oh yeah? And then the green raccoon ate your toe?
Anyway, I'm a little superstitious, and someone once told me that if you tell someone a good dream, it won't come true. Most of my good dreams are too perverse to share with anyone anyway, so this hasn't been a problem. In the same vein, telling someone a bad dream would ensure that it wouldn't come true, right?
So I am blessing all three of you who read this site with a God-awful dream I had the other night (Lord knows I've earned it):
Instead of going to Australia, the Eldest Bro had actually died, and my family, in order to cope with this tragedy, had somehow warped themselves into thinking that he wasn't dead, but had gone to Australia. I somehow figured out that he was actually dead. I was very sad.
The End.
-L
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*I originally titled this post "Dreams," but I realized that that's an immediate deterrent to it (as the content of the post establishes), so I decided to change it to something random that would market it better.
I agree. Very much so.
Lucky for me, of my five or so closest friends, three of them just love to regale me with longwinded, detail-ridden accounts of some mundane dream that they had the night/week/month before that was just "so funny!" or "really fuckin' weird!" or "what do you think this means?"
I don't fucking know. I don't fucking care.
Not one to be especially tactful, I have reminded them on numerous occasions as soon as the words, "Oh my God, I just remebered this dream I had..." have escaped their lips that there is, in fact, nothing more irritating than someone telling you about one of their dreams.
For some reason, this just makes them laugh and continue to recount the boring fucking thing to me without sparing me a single detail.
Oh yeah? And then the green raccoon ate your toe?
Anyway, I'm a little superstitious, and someone once told me that if you tell someone a good dream, it won't come true. Most of my good dreams are too perverse to share with anyone anyway, so this hasn't been a problem. In the same vein, telling someone a bad dream would ensure that it wouldn't come true, right?
So I am blessing all three of you who read this site with a God-awful dream I had the other night (Lord knows I've earned it):
Instead of going to Australia, the Eldest Bro had actually died, and my family, in order to cope with this tragedy, had somehow warped themselves into thinking that he wasn't dead, but had gone to Australia. I somehow figured out that he was actually dead. I was very sad.
The End.
-L
------------------------------------
*I originally titled this post "Dreams," but I realized that that's an immediate deterrent to it (as the content of the post establishes), so I decided to change it to something random that would market it better.
posted by CEO of the World at 10:21 PM
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