Thursdayisms
Now that I’ve found a job (writing/editing/screwing around) at a small men’s lifestyle magazine, I’ll have more time to bullshit on this site. The only problems are: a) I like what I do, so I won’t have anything to complain about, b) my job requires me to be creative, so I might be tapped out. Nonetheless, here are some (profanity-laced, because I’m in a swearing mood) Thursdayisms for all you bored motherfuckers.
1) The N and W trains are retarded. There is ONE pole in the middle of the train to hold onto. If the train gets packed and you are unable to position yourself near said pole (as was the case this morning), you are forced to flop around/onto/over the people surrounding you. And if you’re a real asshole like me, instead of focusing on keeping your balance, you continue to read your newspaper.
2) It’s kind of interesting that Mel Gibson can spend his entire life building a respectable career, then get drunk one night, act like a dick, and destroy his credibility forever, whereas Paris Hilton has built her entire career on getting drunk and acting like a dick.
3) Sometimes, I get so freaked out about dying in my sleep that I can’t sleep all night. Then the next morning I’m so tired, I wish I were dead.
4) As a follow-up to my James Cunt post, I was considering writing about John Gayer. I had to stop myself because I got so angry and worked up that I started stressing myself out. Suffice it to say, I abhor John Gayer, and hope that someday he will get an STD that makes his penis fall off (and despite already disliking Jessica Gimpson, I fucking hate her now that she’s become his sperm depository).
5) Game 1 of the Mets, Cardinals NLCS starts tonight. Which means tomorrow I will be very happy or very sad.
6) I’m subscribed to numerous bands on Ticketmaster, Live Nation, NYC Concerts, etc., so I get alerts when tickets go on sale. Sometimes, I don’t get an alert for a band I’m subscribed to. I’m pretty sure they do this as a favor to me so I don’t continue to spend money I don’t have.
7) I bought tickets to the Killers, but after hearing their new album, I kind of regret it (plus I hear they’re God-awful live). If I’m nice, I’ll sell them to a friend for face value. I am not nice, so I will sell them on eBay for a jacked-up price and use the money to buy Mets tickets.
8) A mosquito found its way into my house last night and bit the SHIT out of me, which is great because I managed to survive the summer relatively bite-free.
9) A lot of depressing stuff has been happening in the news lately. North Korea has nukes and every day they get closer to using them, Cory Lidle crashed his airplane into a NYC highrise and died, Bush doesn’t believe the estimated death toll in Iraq, Madonna’s adopting children…the Apocalypse is near.
-L
P.S. I would have put up links, but Blogger doesn't like Macs, so it won't let me do shit.
1) The N and W trains are retarded. There is ONE pole in the middle of the train to hold onto. If the train gets packed and you are unable to position yourself near said pole (as was the case this morning), you are forced to flop around/onto/over the people surrounding you. And if you’re a real asshole like me, instead of focusing on keeping your balance, you continue to read your newspaper.
2) It’s kind of interesting that Mel Gibson can spend his entire life building a respectable career, then get drunk one night, act like a dick, and destroy his credibility forever, whereas Paris Hilton has built her entire career on getting drunk and acting like a dick.
3) Sometimes, I get so freaked out about dying in my sleep that I can’t sleep all night. Then the next morning I’m so tired, I wish I were dead.
4) As a follow-up to my James Cunt post, I was considering writing about John Gayer. I had to stop myself because I got so angry and worked up that I started stressing myself out. Suffice it to say, I abhor John Gayer, and hope that someday he will get an STD that makes his penis fall off (and despite already disliking Jessica Gimpson, I fucking hate her now that she’s become his sperm depository).
5) Game 1 of the Mets, Cardinals NLCS starts tonight. Which means tomorrow I will be very happy or very sad.
6) I’m subscribed to numerous bands on Ticketmaster, Live Nation, NYC Concerts, etc., so I get alerts when tickets go on sale. Sometimes, I don’t get an alert for a band I’m subscribed to. I’m pretty sure they do this as a favor to me so I don’t continue to spend money I don’t have.
7) I bought tickets to the Killers, but after hearing their new album, I kind of regret it (plus I hear they’re God-awful live). If I’m nice, I’ll sell them to a friend for face value. I am not nice, so I will sell them on eBay for a jacked-up price and use the money to buy Mets tickets.
8) A mosquito found its way into my house last night and bit the SHIT out of me, which is great because I managed to survive the summer relatively bite-free.
9) A lot of depressing stuff has been happening in the news lately. North Korea has nukes and every day they get closer to using them, Cory Lidle crashed his airplane into a NYC highrise and died, Bush doesn’t believe the estimated death toll in Iraq, Madonna’s adopting children…the Apocalypse is near.
-L
P.S. I would have put up links, but Blogger doesn't like Macs, so it won't let me do shit.
posted by CEO of the World at 10:18 AM
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