Thursday, December 29, 2005

Worst Day Ever

Today is probably the worst day of my life. Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of my favorite things - Hydrocodone. Hydrocodone is the generic name for a wonderful drug that is more commonly refered to as Vicodin. Possibly, one of the best legal drugs known to man.

I have never been allergic to anything in my entire life. I've had allergic reactions to things, but seeing as my diet can consist of anything from bread to turpentine over the course of one day, I had no idea what it was, and it never became an issue. Last night, J (the one who was too busy crapping to speak to me on the phone the other day), came over after wisdom tooth surgery. As she was in an immense amount of pain, rather than getting tylenol plus codeine (the useless crap that was prescribed to me when my dentist took a pair of pliers and wrenched one of my wisdom teeth out of my face), she got the good stuff. Something so good, that it was actually prescribed to my friend's ex-boyfriend after he burned his penis on a pan of hot bacon grease, but that's an entirely different post in itself. I discovered the joys of Vicodin because of this incident and his generosity.

Not long after she arrived, I ravaged her stash and helped myself to one of those big giant delicious white pills. At first there was nothing. We sat and watched rereuns of "Friends" season ten (something I missed entirely when I ran off to Ireland for five months last year). J got woozy and passed out with possibly the most ridiculous expression I've ever seen someone have while asleep on her face, a bizarre mix of excruciating pain and pure bliss. I got bored and went online ("Friends" really lost its steam somewhere around season six or seven). It was then I realized that my eyes weren't focusing properly. Words were getting a little jumbled, sentences needed to be read three or four times in order to register, the screen started to pulsate, then waver, my head started to droop, and one word flickered repeatedly through my (semi)consciousness - bed. I stood up just long enough to drag myself and quite literally collapse in a heap onto my bed. I proceeded to drift into the most blissful sleep I have ever had in my life were it not for one thing.

Every single inch of my body itched as if ants were tap-dancing all over my skin. The bottoms of my feet itched for God's sake, and I was in the most confused state I have ever been in in my life. Somewhere between holy-shit-my-brain-is-made-of-pudding-and-I-wonder-how-brain-pudding-would-taste-if-I-were-on-the-moon-with-the-bunny-rabbits joy and I-am-definitely-going-to-peel-all-of-my-skin-off-and-set-it-on-fire-during-some-point-in-the-night misery. I still itch right now, 24 hours after taking that damn pill. I'm like that crackhead on "Chapelle's Show."

A quick search on WebMD confirmed my worst fear - Symptoms of an allergic reaction include: rash, itching, swelling, severe dizziness, trouble breathing.

On the bright side, the website did also say to consult a physician immediately if one of these symptoms occur, and I, well, didn't. So, I guess this is really the best day ever because I didn't die.

Silver lining blah blah blah...



Anonymous km said...

Dammit woman, one vice at a time!You cant have it all ok..hehe.. merry belated xmas!

5:00 PM  

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