Loose Ends

So, several new developments since the last time I wrote. Just got back from a trip to Italy where everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. Used every ounce of patience and restraint I have not to violently murder my flatmate with a pen. Propositioned a friend of mine for sex just because “I haven’t had sex at all in London, so we might as well fuck before I leave.” More on this later as well as a proper disclaimer so that B doesn’t inadvertently read about my sex life and throw himself from the window of his fourth floor Midtown walkup. Got very drunk with coworkers and ended up kissing one of the few (female) friends I made in England much to the delight of Cheeky Canadian Journalist who proceeded to drool all over the bar. Men are probably the most simple creatures on this planet. Three more days in London. Still haven’t begun to pack. Violently hungover. What’s new…

So, the two or three people who have actually stumbled upon this site have probably noticed that although this is supposed to be a joint blog, B has yet to write a single post. Why is this, you ask? Because he sucks? Because he’s boring? Because he’s a lazy shit? While all of this is true, the real reason is because he recently had his heart sautéed, skewered, deep fried, baked, and sprinkled with powdered shit by a girl whom I will henceforth refer to as Paris. Not because she’s like Paris Hilton (although she is similarly pretty and a complete waste of space and air), but because I recently had a discussion with my coworker about Paris (the city) and she said it’s sort of like that pretty girlfriend your friend has who has no personality. So, B’s been too busy licking his wounds to write anything, although I assure you once he does, you won’t be disappointed. So, the few people who read this site should leave some words of encouragement for him. If we’re lucky, he’ll enlighten us all about that Feng Shui-following, Kabballahyallahdallah-believing, aura-cleansing, wannabe-actress-empty-husk-of-a-human-being and all the horrors that were being in a relationship with her. So, B, get off your lazy ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and write something already or I’m changing the password and cuttin’ your ass OUT.

I’ve got a lot to write about, but I’m deep in the throes of my last weekend in London and if all goes well, I’ll be too busy being drunk and hungover to write. However, I promise that once I get back to NYC, once I’m finished catching up on six months of missed television, Korean food, pestering my dog, and fighting off the advances of my ex-boyfriend (who currently has a girlfriend he’s in “love” with) due to my newly discovered conscience (whatever the fuck that is), I’ll be sure to indulge everyone with my British sexploits. Until then, B write something you dumb shit!

-L