Saturday, December 31, 2005

Hitting the Clubs


I do not like going to clubs. Allow me to reiterate more accurately, I HATE going to clubs. The scene is always the same, an entrance fee, a ridiculously loud and crowded meat market where you’ll undoubtedly rub up against hundreds of sweaty people while trying to get just one overpriced skimpy drink, and people screaming small talk into your ears just loud enough for you to not be able to hear it. Of course, once you scream back, “WHAT?” they scream back to you so loudly that your ear drums begin shaking and crying and going into palpitations.

My friend loves going to clubs. I mean, the guy gets angry because I’m never willing to compromise, and go to clubs with him while he’s always willing to go to bars with me. But the thing he has to understand is that a night of clubbing is a very VERY different experience for me, than it is for him.

My friend is an attractive guy, tall, handsome, and generally chicks dig him. I am a short ugly fucker. My only bait is conversation, which usually doesn’t work out for me because I’m a bitter asshole as well. So when we go out to a club, he’ll go back home thinking, “Wow, that was fun, I met so many chicks, got a couple of numbers, a couple of lap dances, got my dick sucked twice, so overall: I’ll give this night a B+.” Meanwhile, in the land of me, I’ll go back home after completely and utterly reinforcing my insecurities because of the fact that I spent the entire night at the bar being ignored more than the coat hanger.

Question: why is it that every time I go to a club, really tall handsome guys stand next to me? Not only does it remind me that I’m a midget, but if a female were to be looking in our direction, she’d very clearly see that I pale in comparison with any average “club guy”. I think those fuckers do it on purpose. But you know what? If I were tall and attractive, I’d probably be the type of asshole who’d do the exact same thing to make myself feel better.


Anonymous processedcheese said...

i broke up with a girl who couldn't stop going to those things. i can't stand 'em.

4:29 AM  
Anonymous syiyri said...

Girls do the same, the tall, skinny, hot chick stands next to the frumpy, big assed girl with the weird afro-cut. It's the laws of the land, you either go with it or sit here and wallow because, well, I am that girl.

11:09 PM  
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10:41 AM  

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