Monday, November 27, 2006

Limbo Mimbo Bimbo Jimbo…

I’m in a state of limbo.

On the one hand, my coworker continues to hint that I will be full-time soon. This means steady paycheck, medical benefits, dental, optical, and ten free therapy sessions a year thrown in for good measure (a health plan that far surpasses the poor excuse of a plan I got at my corporate hell job). This is good news, very good news. Sometime in the new year (possibly earlier) my dream of getting paid to do something I’d do for free (were it not for my foundering savings) will come true.

On the other hand, everything else in my life sucks big monkey balls.

Fine, I’m exaggerating. They don’t suck, they lick monkey balls, and not particularly big ones either. It just seems that now that one aspect of my life has lurched into motion, everything else is at a standstill, and I’m floating in a stratum somewhere between bliss and misery. Nothing’s mind-blowingly good, nothing’s especially bad, and I’m perpetually bored.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hoping for something bad to happen. I made the mistake of saying once, in a bored delirium, that I wished that anything—good or bad—would happen to wake me up. Big mistake. But I still would like some thing to change (preferably/hopefully for the better).

So anyway, here are some

Bored at Work Mondayisms

1) I have this nose stud that’s got a little bulb at the tip, so you push it in and the bulb makes sure it doesn’t fall out (people with nose rings will know exactly what I’m talking about). Now that I don’t need my nose to be corporate-friendly, I decided I wanted to change it to something funkier only to realize (after much tugging and swearing and pain) that my nose had healed around the bar, and the bulb would not come through the hole. So now I’m stuck with my plain Jane stud until I go to a piercer and have them either rip it out (ouch), or cut the bulby tip off the inside (potential ouch).

2) I’ve been getting hit on a lot lately for some odd reason. I’m not complaining as this has been great for my confidence, but when I’m getting hit on by guys who decide that obtaining my number gives them license to use it indiscriminately, numerous times a day, despite my lack of response, it becomes a nuisance. I’ve always been an advocate of not playing “the Game,” but this is just fucking ridiculous.

3) Speaking of ridiculous…I reconnected with an acquaintance from Ireland recently via AIM. This was all fine and dandy because I had been feeling nostalgic about my time in Dublin as of late. That was until he decided that every single time I’m online, he absolutely must message me—despite us having zero to talk about. It’s reached the point where I don’t even want to go online at work because I know I’ll have to partake in the obligatory small talk with him for the fiftieth time that week.

4) The Jets…whoda thunk it?

5) People who wear a lot of perfume should not be allowed on the subway.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have shit to do. Not literally.



Anonymous Dr Dan H. said...

Long, long ago someone wrote the ELIZA program, a very primitive artificial stupidity system that could occasionally fool humans that were even stupider than it was into thinking that it was human too.

Then came

I suggest you get a copy, and point your persistent friend towards it. It'll do him good; cheap therapy you know (especially as the thing is supposed to simulate a Freudian therapist of the incredibly dim variety).

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Mary said...


I have the same problem with a very dear friend. You can block your name from their AIM buddy list and not insult them at all. They just think you're not on.

10:31 AM  

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